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Archive for the ‘Coversations / G Chats’ Category

Roommate: Did you ever go out with that guy?

Me: No. I mean. Ok. So maybe I am being too picky, but I lost interest.

Roommate: Why?

Me: Something he said.

Roommate: What?

Me: It’s stupid.

Roommate: No really?

Me: Ok. So. I was telling him I had a dog. And he said he’d never had one.

….

….

But that he had owned cats.

Roommate: Deal breaker.

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Stranger in Crown Heights: Is that a jack russell?

Me: No, it’s a fox terrier.

SICH: That’s a nice dog!

Me: Thanks!

SICH: It’s like those dogs you see on tv. You know?

Me: Um?

SICH: You know! Like at Madison Square Garden. They put it on TV.

Me: Oh. That is the Westminster dog show.

SICH: It’s great! The dogs walk around in a circle. And. Then….

SOMEONE WINS!

Me: Perfect summation. Have a great day!

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Friend: So you just go up to guys in bars and you talk to them?

Me: Uh huh. All the time.

Friend: You hit on them?

Me: Uh huh. I have game.

Friend: Really?

Me: It’s like when Raleigh is at the dog park. She picks up a scent and just runs with it. She goes in circles and she looks crazy. After a while the other dogs get tired of trying to keep up and she rarely catches anything. But she has fun doing it.

….

….

Friend: I think I am going to try online dating.

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Me: Man, I was really drunk the last time I was at your house.

Friend: Yes. Yes you were.

Me: I don’t think I remember everything I did.

Friend: Well you wrested my friend T. And you lost. He pinned you pretty easily. After that you took a nap in the middle of the party. When you woke up everyone was leaving but you said you had to go meet someone at a bar. So you stayed and T stayed. Then you told T to take the bus with you. Then you decided that you and T were going in opposite directions. So you yelled out, “read my blog!” and you ran away.

….

….

T asked if you were single, by the way.

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TCOF: Things really didn’t work out with you and that guy.

Me: Ha. No. Not at all. I should have known.

TCOF: How so?

Me: On the first night we slept together my dog tried to eat his cat.

TCOF: So… you would say that set the tone for the relationship?

Me: Pretty much.

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Me: I like snow days because I can get away with not wearing make up or washing my hair.

….

….

Friend: How many years has it been snowing in your life?

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Phone call at 8:30 pm, last night:

Dad: What the HELL is that noise?

Me: Oh. You mean the banging? Those are the pipes in my building trying to keep me warm. I have radiators.

Dad: Good lord that is loud.

Me: Tell me about it.

Dad: I thought you had moved to one of the neighborhoods with shootings.

Me: Those are out of season. Call back in summer.

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