Conversation About A Bitchy Dating Policy

Roommate: Did you ever go out with that guy? Me: No. I mean. Ok. So maybe I am being too picky, but I lost interest. Roommate: Why? Me: Something he said. Roommate: What? Me: It’s stupid. Roommate: No really? Me: Ok. So. I was telling him I had a dog. And he said he’d never [...]

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Conversation During a Dog Walk

Stranger in Crown Heights: Is that a jack russell? Me: No, it’s a fox terrier. SICH: That’s a nice dog! Me: Thanks! SICH: It’s like those dogs you see on tv. You know? Me: Um? SICH: You know! Like at Madison Square Garden. They put it on TV. Me: Oh. That is the Westminster dog [...]

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Conversation about Being a Single Bitch in New York

Friend: So you just go up to guys in bars and you talk to them? Me: Uh huh. All the time. Friend: You hit on them? Me: Uh huh. I have game. Friend: Really? Me: It’s like when Raleigh is at the dog park. She picks up a scent and just runs with it. She [...]

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Conversation Over Weekend Brunch

Me: Man, I was really drunk the last time I was at your house. Friend: Yes. Yes you were. Me: I don’t think I remember everything I did. Friend: Well you wrested my friend T. And you lost. He pinned you pretty easily. After that you took a nap in the middle of the party. [...]

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Coversation with My Two-Cat-Owning Friend

TCOF: Things really didn’t work out with you and that guy. Me: Ha. No. Not at all. I should have known. TCOF: How so? Me: On the first night we slept together my dog tried to eat his cat. TCOF: So… you would say that set the tone for the relationship? Me: Pretty much.

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Conversation with My Super Girly Friend

Me: I like snow days because I can get away with not wearing make up or washing my hair. …. …. Friend: How many years has it been snowing in your life?

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Conversation with My Dad

Phone call at 8:30 pm, last night: Dad: What the HELL is that noise? Me: Oh. You mean the banging? Those are the pipes in my building trying to keep me warm. I have radiators. Dad: Good lord that is loud. Me: Tell me about it. Dad: I thought you had moved to one of [...]

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G Chat with My Sister’s Boyfriend

MSBF: your blog name makes little sense doesn’t even rhyme with lollipop                      3:11 PM me: not with your butchering of the language MSBF: that may be but even so rolli-pop                                                            3:12 PM you have to have a southern drawl for it to work i submit that you should make a subtle change me: I don’t [...]

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Comments That Are Only Ok When They Are About Raleigh But That Will Not Be Tolerated When They Are About Her Owner

I am not unusual in that, when my dog does a trick, I say “good girl” and offer her a treat. Her favorite one right now is roll over. “Good girl,” is a fine thing to say to her because she is 1. female, and 2. in essence, my little girl. I think it is [...]

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Conversation With My Very Girly Friend

Friend: Do you want to get a manicure tomorrow? Me: Ugh. No. I hate nail polish. Friend: Why? Me: I pick up dog poop four times a day. I just don’t see the need to add a pink flourish to that. …. …. Friend: They make black nail polish. Maybe that is more your speed.

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